Now that I am drawing this chapter of college to a close, I am beginning to reflect on my past experiences. I truly believe that some people can suffer PTSD without really knowing that they are suffering.
Its weird. You think that you are over something, but then it can be one incident, or event, or situation that can bring you back to that horrible place that you have tried so hard to move on from. Lately I have been asking myself the question, Am I over it? I mean, how do you know that you are over something? I wish I knew.
Then I start to think of the woman that I have become. Many of the experiences that I had have contributed to the woman I am today. At the end of the day I cherish those experiences, no matter how traumatic.
Maybe no matter how much I "get over" situations, they may still leave marks on my heart and scalded into my brain. I have been wearing my scars in the open for the last three years and have been acting as if they do not bother me, when truth is, I was ashamed of them. The marks, and everyone could see it. I spent time rubbing ointments of denial and anger on them, hoping they went away,and they didn't. Maybe they aren't meant to leave. Maybe they're meant to stay. Maybe I'm supposed to learn from them...
I'm not proud of my scars, but I am definitely becoming more and more comfortable in my skin...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Intelligent Conversation
Lately my family and friends have used the words, "opinionated", "firecracker", and "feisty" to describe my demeanor. In now way, shape, or form would I have to disagree. Initial thoughts for the culprit of this aggressive demeanor would typically be, "that time of the month". But I could describe it better as, "that time of my life".
Since the beginning of 2009, there have been many thought-provoking experiences that has encouraged me to reevaluate the way that I feel, act, and respond to certain situations. Certain experiences include, but are not limited to financial uncertainty, study struggle, friendship woes, and purpose confusion. These situations have caused me a substantial amount of stress, that has at some times clouded the good in my life.
For my capstone class I read a book on questions. Well, specifically, The Question Behind the Question which encourages its readers to take new perspectives on negativity and lack of nonproductive situations in their lives by asking better questions. For example, the question, "Why didn't someone get that task done," could be turned into a better question, "What can I do to get this task done". Better questions encourage us to displace the blame in our lives and take personal accountability and ownership over our lives. Since I have read that book, I have made a significant amount of change in my life. Sure I get stressed (which the book defines as a product of our choices) but at the end of the day, I am happy for the things that go well in my life.
This weekend I had one of the most intelligent conversations with a couple of friends of mine (all are somewhat recent graduates of my college) on political and educational circumstances directly effecting our lives and our community. At the end of the day, we had made many conclusions on what needed to be done, but it is our responsibility to not confine those opinions and ideas to the confines of the walls which our conversations were held.
I am at the point of my life where I need to put into action the things I say and the ideas that I manifest. No longer do I have the excuse to say, "What is the administration/boss/organization/executive board/parent/sister/brother/family/friend/institution/community doing about the situation, but what can I do to remedy the problem." Our generation has been called to action, and we all know that excuses are not an option.
This time of my life calls me to voice my opinions and make things happen. If that makes me "opinionated", "feisty", or a "firecracker", then I humbly oblige to your compliments with a sincere, thank you.
Have a good day 8)!
Since the beginning of 2009, there have been many thought-provoking experiences that has encouraged me to reevaluate the way that I feel, act, and respond to certain situations. Certain experiences include, but are not limited to financial uncertainty, study struggle, friendship woes, and purpose confusion. These situations have caused me a substantial amount of stress, that has at some times clouded the good in my life.
For my capstone class I read a book on questions. Well, specifically, The Question Behind the Question which encourages its readers to take new perspectives on negativity and lack of nonproductive situations in their lives by asking better questions. For example, the question, "Why didn't someone get that task done," could be turned into a better question, "What can I do to get this task done". Better questions encourage us to displace the blame in our lives and take personal accountability and ownership over our lives. Since I have read that book, I have made a significant amount of change in my life. Sure I get stressed (which the book defines as a product of our choices) but at the end of the day, I am happy for the things that go well in my life.
This weekend I had one of the most intelligent conversations with a couple of friends of mine (all are somewhat recent graduates of my college) on political and educational circumstances directly effecting our lives and our community. At the end of the day, we had made many conclusions on what needed to be done, but it is our responsibility to not confine those opinions and ideas to the confines of the walls which our conversations were held.
I am at the point of my life where I need to put into action the things I say and the ideas that I manifest. No longer do I have the excuse to say, "What is the administration/boss/organization/executive board/parent/sister/brother/family/friend/institution/community doing about the situation, but what can I do to remedy the problem." Our generation has been called to action, and we all know that excuses are not an option.
This time of my life calls me to voice my opinions and make things happen. If that makes me "opinionated", "feisty", or a "firecracker", then I humbly oblige to your compliments with a sincere, thank you.
Have a good day 8)!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
An Introduction
Hello!! Thanks for checking out my Blog! I'm sort of new to this sort of thing, so bear with me as my blog grows! The basic objective is to outlet some of my feelings and experiences throughout this blog, and to hopefully learn from yours as well! Most of my posts will be random thoughts, revelations, song lyrics that spoke to me that day, or questions that I have about life in general (never meant to be answered). So, I guess this will be about...me 8). In no way do I think my thoughts are mind-blowing or publish worthy, and I try not to give myself that much credit, but at the end of the day, I know that I am not the only person who experiences the things I do. I love to grow, and I encourage you to grow as well...with me! Enjoy 8)
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